Have you ever said “yes” with your mouth and “no” with your mind when your boss asked you to work past the end of your shift? Perhaps your friend couldn’t find childcare for the weekend and they are facing the disappointment but now you are guilty because you had to say “no” to caring for their kids. Maybe you’ve been asked to serve at your local church, declined the request and immediately the guilt started to set in.
Thank you for reading this post, don't forget to subscribe!Wether this is you or someone you know, the fact is that many people believe boundaries are selfish because of common misconceptions we’ve learned growing up or through our culture. Today we are going to learn some common misconceptions about boundaries and ways we can challenge those with the truth. Health boundaries are not about pushing people away rather creating healthier relationships. They are meant to be helpful and regardless of your age, learning how to set healthy boundaries is a skill that can be practiced.
If setting boundaries has always felt uncomfortable, you’re not alone. It’s one of the reasons we created our Boundaries Without Guilt Workshop—to help people build this skill in a supportive, practical way.
Myth #1: “Setting Boundaries Is Selfish”
In therapy spaces, we have come across many people who believe that putting their needs first, or equal to the needs of others at the very least, means they are being selfish or uncaring. Often we misinterpret wise proverbs about loving others and caring for others by assuming that caring for others has to come at the expense of ourselves all the time.
The truth is that boundaries are fences that protect relationships. Many relationships actually fail due to a lack of boundaries; due to saying yes to every desire the other person has. This dynamic leads to resentment, which eventually causes for a relationship to fall apart. Learning what we are willing to accept and not accept in any relationship helps us reduce resentment against the other party. Boundaries allow us to show up more authentically in relationships and allow us to love others well.
I love using the airplane oxygen mask analogy to provide a visual of this concept. When we are aboard a plane and the flight attendant is giving instructions on what to do during an emergency, they standard will always be the same: place your oxygen mask on yourself first, then place it on others. Doing this allows you to be readily available to help others. Failure to do so can lead you to become unconscious and then you are not able to help those around you. The same concept works with our emotional boundaries. If we con’t learn how to care for ourselves, we will not be able to care for others in the best way that we can.
Here’s my homework for you today. Instead of agreeing to every favor this week, be honest with your ability to help and say “I can’t help today, but I hope it goes well”. It will feel weird at first but it’s a start. Always remember, self-care and selfishness are not the same thing.
Myth #2: “If People Love Me, They Won’t Need Boundaries”
Every healthy relationship has limits. Boundaries are about knowing when you start, when you end and when the other person begins to be the unique person they are. Even strong marriages, friendships and families need respectful communication. When we have boundaries, we are telling our loved ones that we care enough about them by creating trust and clear expectations.
Boundaries can extend even to family relationships. Family ties are not a guarantee for unlimited access to our emotional or physical means. We can care for our families and still maintaining emotional distance on occasions, which in turn strengthens the relationship. Healthy relationships aren’t’ built on unlimited access rather on mutual respect. Allowing someone else to have unlimited access to you can lead to resentment in the long run.
Myth #3: “Boundaries Mean Saying No All the Time”
Boundary setting is much broader than simply saying “no.” I love one of Henry Cloud’s quotes from his book Boundaries, which states that boundaries are fences, not walls. What he means by this is that we do not have to say “no” all the time, we can open ourselves to say “yes” out of authenticity, not guilt. Establishing healthy boundaries also include knowing when you ask for help, taking breaks or turning off work notifications past your shift.
Boundary setting also includes requesting respectful communication or protecting time with family members. It can also look like not engaging in social media for certain times of the day to focus on other things or limiting your emotional labor. What’s important is to remember that if you are saying “no” to something, you should be saying “yes” to something else that will strengthen your relationships.
Myth #4: “People Will Be Angry If I Set Boundaries”
This myth can come with two sides of the same count because sometimes people may initially feel disappointed when you start establishing healthy boundaries. However, disappointment isn’t the same as you doing something wrong. The healthy people around you will eventually adjust to your boundaries and you may start seeing patterns of dysfunction in some relationships as you establish boundaries.
Those who benefited from your lack of boundaries may struggle at first. Eventually two things will happen: either they will adjust and your relationship will be healthier than ever or the relationship will deteriorate. This can be scary at times but may bring benefits in the long run. People’s initial reactions to your boundaries do not mean that your boundary is unhealth. Feeling guilty about boundary setting doesn’t mean you are guilty of doing something wrong.
Myth #5: “I’m Too Nice to Set Boundaries”
Kindness and boundaries can exist together. Many caring people are helpers, caregivers, parents, healthcare workers, teachers and ministry leaders. The kindest people I now struggle the most with boundaries because they genuinely want to help. Setting healthy boundaries can actually be the kindest thing you can do for someone else. Boundaries empower people toward autonomy and skills building rather than foster dependence on a given relationship.
Learning Boundaries Is a Skill
We are not born knowing how to set boundaries. Sometimes our childhood experiences teach us either positive or negative beliefs regarding boundary setting. Learning boundaries is a skill that takes practice and can feel uncomfortable initially. This skill becomes easier with support and with learning assertiveness skills that help us not be harsh or confrontational when establishing healthy boundaries.
Tools such as therapy and educational workshops provide a safe environment to practice new and healthy communication skills.
Gentle Invitation to the Workshop
Maybe you’ve struggled to say no without feeling guilty.
You may find yourself constantly putting everyone else’s needs before your own or feeling responsible for keeping everyone happy—even when it leaves you feeling exhausted.
Perhaps you’re looking for healthier relationships while still being true to who you are, without feeling like you have to become a completely different person.
You are not alone. Many people struggle with boundaries because they were never taught that protecting their time, energy, and emotional well-being is a healthy part of relationships. For some, setting limits can feel uncomfortable, selfish, or even scary—especially if you are used to being the person everyone depends on.
The truth is that boundaries are not about shutting people out. They are about creating relationships where care, respect, and honesty can exist.
You don’t have to choose between being caring and having boundaries. You can do both.
If you’re ready to better understand your boundaries and start creating more balance in your relationships, we invite you to join us.
Our Boundaries Without Guilt Workshop is designed to help you learn practical, compassionate boundary-setting skills you can begin using immediately.
Closing
Setting boundaries does not mean you care less about others. It means you are learning how to care for yourself while building healthier, more balanced relationships.
Boundaries allow us to communicate honestly, reduce resentment, and create relationships rooted in respect rather than guilt or obligation. If setting boundaries feels uncomfortable, remember that discomfort is part of learning.
You can be kind and have limits. You can love others and still honor your own needs.
If you’re ready to continue building this skill, our Boundaries Without Guilt Workshop was created to help you learn practical tools for setting healthy boundaries with confidence and compassion.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Learning boundaries is learning how to create healthier relationships with yourself and others.
Why Choose Hope Behavioral Health in Kissimmee
At Hope Behavioral Health, we offer trauma-specialized, bilingual counseling in Kissimmee. Our therapists use these services to help you find lasting healing and peace. Our team understands that each person’s story is unique. This is why we provide compassionate and personalized care that addresses emotional wounds and life challenges with sensitivity and respect. For those who desire it, we also offer faith-integrated support. This creates a space to incorporate spiritual values into the healing process in a way that aligns with your language, culture, and beliefs.
Get started today!
- Schedule an appointment – Begin your pre-registration and schedule an appointment using our client portal. You can also call us at (407) 906-5214 for assistance.
- Meet With your Therapist – Once you schedule your appointment, you will meet with your therapist for your initial session.
- Begin Your Personalized Treatment Plan – Build focus and resilience with weekly support.
Author
- Written by Lillianis J Cruz, LMHC, EMDR-T, QS
- Medical Review Note: Reviewed for clinical accuracy by Lillianis J Cruz, LMHC.
- Last Updated: 8/6/2026